Lara Stone is Fat and Other Complete Insanity in This Month's Vogue

Self-absorption! Navel-gazing! Hypocrisy! Delusion! All of these things and more graced this month's heavily perfumed pages of Vogue; and to manage all of this in a measly 140 pages, well, that must have been no small feat. Some high(low?)lights:

Lanvin designer Alber Elbaz reveals just how out-of-touch with reality he really is with this little gem on the current state of the fashion industry:

"Why does every girl over five feet tall and age thirteen want to be a model?" he asked. "Why don't they ever want to be a seamstress?"

I would attempt to pick up the pieces of my shattered brain and comment on this myself, but dear Wendy from Glossed Over says it best, as usual:

"Yeah! Why be the beautiful woman who wears the clothes when you could be the poorly paid one who makes them?"

So, okay, I get it. Not everyone can be a model. But! One model - Lara Stone - seems to have slipped in under the radar, daring to wear designer clothing in runway shows despite being a morbidly obese size four:

" ... it's not easy being a four in a land of zeroes .... "It's depressing when the clothes don't fit and you are always the odd one out," says Stone.

That is, until you step out of that microcosm of society known as the "fashion world" and into the "regular world," where you are still taller and thinner and more conventionally attractive than almost everyone. Must be rough. Oh, but there's more!

"People think I'm angry because of my face, or that I'm a sex bomb. I'm neither."

Yeah, I get that a lot, too.

But enough about Lara Stone's problems, let's move on to what's wrong in Sarah Jessica Parker's life! She says:

"Fashion is my fatal flaw; it is my weakness."

Said with that special brand of narcissistic melodrama that celebrities have effectively mastered. Yawn.

Finally, for us ladies not smart enough to understand the complicated ins and outs of basic oral hygiene, we are given a fashion metaphor to explain what happens when we don't brush our teeth:

"Think of your gum as a little turtleneck collar around the tooth ... basically, if you don't get the bacteria out within 2-3 days, that nice turtleneck collar becomes like a loose cowl neck, opening a pathway for bacteria ..."

That's certainly an appealing visual, isn't it? Now I'm going to brush my teeth, just as soon as I donate all my turtleneck sweaters to Goodwill.

Image: Glossed Over