Hump-Day Hunk

One afternoon when I was fourteen, I was home all alone just lounging around when the doorbell rang. I opened it to find the most gorgeous FedEx guy I'd ever laid eyes on. I stumbled around for words and, finding none, nervously signed for my delivery and mumbled a quick thanks. I may or may not have then made my way to the living room window to stand stealthily behind the drapes for one last glance. I may not have realized it at the time, but this incident marked the beginning of a lifelong fondness for men in uniform.

It being Veteran's Day, I'd like to take a moment to honor and celebrate all the men and women in uniform that serve - and have served - our country. But as for this week's Hump-Day Hunk, the honor goes to the men in uniform I've loved throughout the years. These days, though, I do happen to be partial to Marines. Ooh-rah.

Image: Joshua's Mission

Dumb Model Poses

Welcome to another mind-numbing edition of Dumb Model Poses, starring fashion's latest flavor-of-the-month, Karlie Kloss! But just who is Karlie Kloss, and how did she seem to appear out of nowhere to suddenly be everywhere? One explanation might be that she was born in 1992 and is barely 17 years old; to us, she's just a high school kid but to the fashion industry, she is in her prime. In addition, she is 5'11" with that androgynous, impossibly thin physique that the designers and fashion magazines can't get enough of. It's only natural, then, that Vogue would eventually latch on and introduce her to their perpetually miserable editorial styling, and the tired pose that her predecessor, Caroline Trentini, made famous: The Model in Midair.

Karlie does manage to add her own flavor by adding in a horribly vacant facial expression and so much deadness in her eyes that it's almost chilling (Click on the image to enlarge). And that hideous Prada skirt she's wearing? It's $1460. The top? $650. For over two grand I'd like to think she'd put a little more effort into selling the look, rather than just hanging there in midair while the clothes wear her instead of the other way around.

Image: ModelCouture

Bad Fashion Song Lyrics

If I could talk to Fergie, like really sit down with her and have a good old-fashioned gab over nachos or something, I would ask her two things: First, I would ask whether her long, luxurious hair was real or a wig (and if it is indeed a wig, where can I get one?), and then I'd ask, Fergs, sweetie, what the heck happened to you? You were so boss back in the day, tellin' your men what was what with your crazy distinctive voice, but now ... now your music sucks and it's hard to tell it apart from that Lady Gaga crapola (and we should all know exactly how I feel about her). In "Labels or Love", Fergie sings:

Already know what my addiction is / I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love / I shop for purses while I walk out the door / Don’t cry, buy a bag and then get over it

True story: Once, I was upset about a guy. Then I bought myself a bag. I found that I was still upset about said guy except now, I was upset and $75 poorer. Fergie, your logic is flawed.

Love’s like a runway but which one do I love more / No emotional baggage, just replace it with Dior

Typical Dior bag: $1200. Typical emotional baggage: Absolutely free!

Buying things is hard to say / Rocking Christian Audigier, Manolo, Polo, taking photos in my Cartier

Okay. So, Christian Audigier is the "designer" (and I use that term very loosely) behind Ed Hardy. You know, I didn't think my hatred for this song could sink in any deeper, but now it's actually grown roots.

'Cause I know that my credit card will help me put out the flames, flames

... of a crashing, burning songwriting career. I can't look. It's too painful.

Image: Rolling Stone

Hump-Day Hunk

Just last week I made the decision to open my mind (and my blog) to the previously underrepresented scruffy artist/musician type with my tribute to Pete Yorn. He's a bit of an outlier, you see, in my vast portfolio of mostly dark-haired, neatly-groomed athletic types. Though I think I may have opened some kind of floodgate, as this week's Hunk takes on some of the same qualities as the Yornmeister. I present to you, dear readers, Sam Endicott, lead singer for the Bravery, and very cute in a hipsterish kind of way. Or, maybe it's just those old-fashioned combat boots that have me swooning.

Image: Virgin Media

What to Do When Life Hands You a Giant Messenger Bag

I arrived home earlier this evening to find a wrapped package on my doorstep. It was here!

The background: I started a new job a few weeks ago (!), and the office is located smack dab in the center of Boston (!!), so despite the absolute joy that driving and parking in the city brings me, I figured I'd just buy a T pass and a proper messenger bag to shlep myself and all my junk from point A to point B each day. After some deliberation, I decided the Timbuk2 Classic Messenger in medium was the bag that would do the trick. I already own a Classic in extra-small, so I knew what to expect. Or, rather, I thought I did.

My first thought upon opening the package was egads. The thing was gigantic. I could have fit my whole bed pillow inside it and probably still have room for my head. Which got me thinking of all the wonderful things I could cram into it. Such as:

enough reading material for even the longest of airport layovers ....

... running gear for an after-work jog through the Common ...

... or even something (correction: nine somethings) to keep me from getting too lonely on a long journey. This bag is going to be fantastic!

Bits and Pieces

Local phenomenon Johnny Cupcakes (I call it a phenomenon because the founder started the t-shirt business as a joke, and now he's got a posh address on Newbury Street in Boston, not to mention a shop in Los Angeles and one on the South Shore of Massachusetts. Oh, and he's younger than me. Younger than me! What am I doing with my life?) has opened an eBay Vault stocked full of rare, limited-run, one-off t-shirts and assorted goodies, most of which have starting bids at $0.99. Cheaper than an actual cupcake, and much healthier. (P.S. Click on the image to the left to see the subtle detailing on this JC necktie, available on their website. Nice! And I'm not even being paid to say that!) [Johnny Cupcakes]

As I've recently learned the hard way, one-third of the clothing we purchase is a total mistake. [Boston.com]

In a recent Elle UK interview, Kate Hudson calls bloggers "juvenile." Burn! [Jezebel]

Never be forced to sell an internal organ or beloved family member again; prices on premium denim are finally starting to drop. [NY Times]

Silver 14-eye Doc Martens spotted at Second Time Around in Needham, MA, by the lovely and super stylish Nicole of La Petite Demoiselle, were in the wrong size for both of us. I am suddenly reminded of Cinderella; who will snag these beauties? [La Petite Demoiselle]

Johnny Cupcakes Black on Black Crossbones Tie, $24.99

Dumb Model Poses

First, the disclaimer: I have been formally trained in the fine arts, design and photography, and I even have the piece of faux parchment paper to prove it. Therefore, I know what Dada was, I can spot a Cezanne from several miles away, and I certainly know the difference between avant-garde and just plain old stoopid. This information is important to consider as I introduce my new weekly feature, Dumb Model Poses (showcasing, you guessed it, dumb model poses!). Why is this important? Simple: the term avant-garde is one of those nebulous, artsy-fartsy words that, in this case, clothing designers and photo stylists love to use to defend completely absurd and uninspired "visions" like, say, weird for the sake of weirdness. Yeah, well. I'm tired of crap art direction masquerading as something deeper than it actually is, so I'm making it my mission to call it as I see it. I'm drunk with power.

Not surprisingly, I chose an image (photographed by Juergen Teller) from Marc Jacobs' latest campaign as my first example. My initial reaction: intoxicated woman in a seedier part of town, from a police cruiser's point of view (hence the bright light). Edgy? I suppose. Aesthetically pleasing? Not especially. Effectively persuades me to fork over upwards of $1000 for that coat? Um, negative. Score on the dumb scale: right between parking tickets and soggy bologna sandwiches.

Image: Fashionising.com