Dumb Model Poses

First, the disclaimer: I have been formally trained in the fine arts, design and photography, and I even have the piece of faux parchment paper to prove it. Therefore, I know what Dada was, I can spot a Cezanne from several miles away, and I certainly know the difference between avant-garde and just plain old stoopid. This information is important to consider as I introduce my new weekly feature, Dumb Model Poses (showcasing, you guessed it, dumb model poses!). Why is this important? Simple: the term avant-garde is one of those nebulous, artsy-fartsy words that, in this case, clothing designers and photo stylists love to use to defend completely absurd and uninspired "visions" like, say, weird for the sake of weirdness. Yeah, well. I'm tired of crap art direction masquerading as something deeper than it actually is, so I'm making it my mission to call it as I see it. I'm drunk with power.

Not surprisingly, I chose an image (photographed by Juergen Teller) from Marc Jacobs' latest campaign as my first example. My initial reaction: intoxicated woman in a seedier part of town, from a police cruiser's point of view (hence the bright light). Edgy? I suppose. Aesthetically pleasing? Not especially. Effectively persuades me to fork over upwards of $1000 for that coat? Um, negative. Score on the dumb scale: right between parking tickets and soggy bologna sandwiches.

Image: Fashionising.com