Vogue Thinks You're Old and Your Knees are Ugly

Each month, Vogue's "Point of View" page aims to set the overall tone for the issue, introducing themes that tie together the fashions featured, explaining the cultural relevance of said fashions, and churning out a lot of tired clichés about fashion and womanhood. This month, Point of View outdid itself:

How we feel about ourselves has more than a little to do with how well we care for ourselves. Style isn't imposed on us by the Establishment.

Coming from the premiere fashion Establishment itself, I find this statement a little difficult to swallow. Vogue, you're not exactly the Daily Worker; please, let's cut the crap.

We are each a painted butterfly, with a different pattern on our wings.

Sounding much like it was plagarized verbatim from a motivational poster hanging on the wall at Vogue headquarters, this is the kind of garbage that's supposed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy towards a pair of $900 shoes. Sometimes "goddess" may be substituted for "butterfly," because you know, we women just eat that fluffy stuff up.

It's never been more true that you are only as old as you feel. You don't have to resign yourself to a life of tastefully restrained suits the minute you pass 35.

Until, of course, tastefully restrained suits are "in" again. But hey! Decrepit thirty-five-year-olds, hang on to your walkers, because we've got news for you:

Does this mean the average grand-mère should reveal her legs in walking shorts? Obviously not. Discernment and bare-knuckled self-critique go a long way.

But...they just said that...*sniff*...I was a b-b-butterfly!

The message we hope you'll take home from this issue is that any woman can translate the runway trends to her own benefit today.

Any woman who's under eighteen and conventionally beautiful, that is. Otherwise, the message is to stay indoors and out of public view, you old toad.

Image: StyleFrizz.com