Hump-Day Hunk

Last Friday after work, I had the unfortunate timing of arriving at Boston's North Station around the same time as the Jonas Brothers (though this was unbeknownst to me at the time). The streets were filled with crazy-eyed tween-age girls sporting homemade t-shirts decorated with glitter and puff paint. I turned to a bewildered-looking woman on my side and said, "Who's in town?"

"The Jonas Brothers," she replied, a hint of slight embarassment in her voice. "I must be old," I said to her. "Because I don't really have a clue who they are." Laughing, she said, "Me neither. But my daughter is nuts about them."

Two days later I retrieved the mail, along with the August issue of Elle magazine. I was dismayed to see Miley Cyrus' face staring back at me with a contrived sexiness, lips parted slightly, with all her cheesy Disney wholesomeness checked at the door. My first thought was "But isn't Elle a woman's magazine? As in, for adults?" But my next thought went right back to last Friday afternoon at North Station. Miley Cyrus being portrayed as dark and sexy, the Jonas Brothers groomed as America's newest heartthrobs, millions of talented, qualified people unemployed across the country, shows like Big Brother still on the air? Has the world gone completely insane?

Fortunately, there was a gem inside August Elle that's worth the trek to the newsstand, and it came in the form of G.I. Babe Channing Tatum. No ill-fitting v-neck sweater vests and squeaky-clean song lyrics here; Channing is just the kind of guy you'd like to see chop up firewood (or eat ice cream, depending on your persuasion).

So tweenagers, take note. I don't care that there's a lot of you, or that you have buttloads of disposable income or whatever it is that you've got. I refuse to allow the lot of you to influence popular culture. You all have done enough damage, but you won't cause muscles to go out of style, I promise you that.

Image: Elle